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The Borg Maneuver




The Borg Maneuver is a fun technique I
Images from 1918 Gray's Anatomy of the Human Body from Bartleby.com
developed years ago to combat one of the great scourges of modern life: ice cream headaches. Ice cream headaches occur when you eat ice cream or other cold foods too quickly. The net result is an headache so intense and mind numbing you think your brain is about to implode. Sure, The Borg Protocol might save your life some day, kind of like the Heimlich Maneuver, but you and I both know The Borg Maneuver is really what you care about.


Please watch this video that demonstrates The Borg Maneuver (on The Official Fu Xi Wen Website).


If you run an ice cream store, I would be happy to create signs for your store so that your customers know exactly what to do in the case of an ice-cream headache emergency. (I need an illustrator to help me craft some compelling visuals for these stores – so please contact me if you are up to the challenge).


This is what I have figured out. An ice cream headache is the result of the upper palate, especially the soft palate in the back, becoming too cold as a result of direct contact with cold foods and liquids. The capillaries of the soft palate contract from the cold and their sensory nerves fire causing the intense brain ache. The headache recedes when the capillaries dilate once again from contact with either the warmth of the tongue or exposure to warm air.


The Borg Maneuver is as follows. When an ice cream headache starts to rear its ugly head:


  1. Move your tongue close to the upper palate without touching

  2. And immediately exhale strongly multiple times like a panting dog. The tongue placement helps focus the exhale to warm the palate. Exhaled air is warmer than inhaled air.

  3. You may need to exhale in this manner many times depending on the severity of the headache.


People who suffer from ice cream headaches look funny. In fact, if we are not the victims of an ice cream headache, we tend to laugh at those who suffer. The Borg Maneuver will not make you look any less foolish. In fact, you may look like a panting dog with an ice cream headache. However, it will stop the ice cream headache more quickly than not doing anything at all. And for that you will be grateful.


Every time you recover from an ice-cream headache using the Borg Maneuver, please consider making a donation to Fu Xi Wen via the Donate link on The Official Fu Xi Wen Website. Who knows what we might help you with next as a result of your support?


Images from 1918 Gray's Anatomy of the Human Body from Bartleby.com

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Images on homepage from: 1918 Gray's Anatomy of the Human Body from Bartleby.com
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